If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Sex in the backyard? Check.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
