So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
