I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
