i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm too high and old for this...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
