i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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