I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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