I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
