You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
