He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
