if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
