No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
