I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
