You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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