I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
