Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
