All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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