I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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