you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
