Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
