He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
