yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
