recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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