i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
whose ass print is on the piano?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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