I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
