i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
