Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
