ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
