btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
