It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
