I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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