I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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