Nicole vs. Life
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
