She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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