Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
