I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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