i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
