Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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