Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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