You made me cry and you don't even care
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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