i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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