explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
