Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
