Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
