Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
