so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
