Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Houston, we have a squirter
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
