I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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