ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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