when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
