One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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