She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
