Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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